CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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