I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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