I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
