I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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