Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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