am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
