I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
