# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
