my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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