just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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