I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
