If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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