He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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