WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have fence marks all over my body
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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