I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
