playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
