Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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