he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
