im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
