So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
