cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
