Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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