So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
