I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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