Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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