Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
