I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are we still banned from the library?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
