I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im holly from the hills drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
