Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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