who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's never too late to be topless.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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