After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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