Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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