we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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