woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize