i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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