I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
