I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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