Banned from zoo.
Again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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