she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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