i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
