rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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