just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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