Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
