my shit smells like andre
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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