my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
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