you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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