Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
