I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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