I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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