I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
