i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
