does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
