I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
