I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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