So drunk its hurt
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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