mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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