Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
