why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
