I wish my penis had an off switch
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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