i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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