Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
